Monday, September 11, 2006

By The Newz Czar

LEARY, GEORGIA – In what appears to be another example of wildlife run amok, a woman was brutally attacked yesterday by a swarm of insects. The 73 year old woman, Beatrice McClennan, was apparently working in her garden when several of the insect surrounded her and began landing on her arms. "It was terrible", said Mrs. McClennan, "I truly thought they would kill me." 

A local entomologist, Dr. Robert "Buggy" Stevens, was called in to work the case. "We're not exactly sure what caused the attack," Dr. Stevens said, "however we are looking into the matter". In her struggle to escape the swarm, Mrs. McClennan managed to swat and kill one of the insects. After the swarm dissipated, she collected the animal and called the police who in turn contacted Dr. Stevens.

After an intensive study of the insect's morphology, Dr. Stevens verified that the animal was in fact a problem species and responsible for at least three other similar attacks this year. "The insect is known as Papilio glaucus, and should be avoided at all cost", said Dr. Stevens.

The insect can be identified by its two large colorful wings, awkward flight pattern, and affinity for flowers. Please take caution if you believe you see this animal, which is also known as the eastern swallowtail. Find a safe place and hide for at least thirty minutes.