Sunday, September 3, 2006

By The Newz Czar

UNDISCLOSED CAVE – In an attempt to ease relations between the United States and terrorists the world over, al-Qaeda has offered the invitation for the entire U.S. to convert to Islam. The group sent a video chock full of prominent terrorists asking the U.S. to “Come along and join us, it's fun”. The video has several short segments showing the joys that one can have when one converts, including a cartoon segment featuring a character called Al-Qadaffy Duck. In the cartoon segment, the Duck says, “Iflflfl you inflflflflflfledels can't beat usththth, you might asththth well join usththth”.

Another segment was crafted to look like a Mentos commercial, with a young man in a U.S. Army uniform walking through a middle eastern village. As the soldier walks down the street, a group of children point AK-47’s at him. The soldier then reaches into his pocket, and pulls out a package of candy. The man then puts a candy in his mouth and throws down his gun. The children smile and lower their weapons. The soldier then hold up the package which has the word “Islam” on it while a voice over with a heavy accent says, “Islam, the Peace Maker”.

In a televised statement this afternoon, President Bush offered the following words: “We have considered the proposal offered on the video and here's our response.” The President then gave the double bird and walked away before reporters could ask questions.