Friday, August 25, 2006

By Syndicate Deuce

PARIS, FRANCE – In a shocking development, the International Grass Union has today voted 67 - 1 on the ouster of crab grass from the grass family (Poaceae). Pierre Sanguinalis, provider of the only nay vote, stated, “I am in utter disbelief that I stand alone by the side of crab grass.”

The non-voting representative from the American Grass Killing Union, George Digitaria, was also completely amazed by the decision. “Ok, first off, I am disgusted by the fact that I am actually siding with a frog,” said Mr. Digitaria, “but are you kidding me? Can you imagine the ridiculous costs associated with relabeling the thousands of products that I represent? The ACLU will be all over our AGKU members about false advertisement. They've been looking to kill our industry from the get go.”

Jean-Claude Ischaemum, President-Elect of the IGU, believes that today's vote has brought the IGU into the next century. Mr. Ischaemum declared, “People around the world have been mocking the IGU for decades for its inclusion of crab grass. We just can't continue to be the laughing stock of the world's TLA organizations. We are now a truly space age organization.”