Monday, August 21, 2006

By The Newz Czar

NUBBINVILLE, KENTUCKY – After years of intensive research, William “Skip” Robbins believes he has finally found the cure for ADS. Robbins, a backhoe operator for the City of Nubbinville, took it upon himself in early 2004 to once and for all discover a cure for ADS. Says Robbins, “I love to watch that show 24, but every ten minutes or so, they would interrupt the show to put ADS on TV. Frankly, I was sick of it.”

Mr. Robbins spent most of 2004 trying different forms of physical exercise to combat ADS. Robbins explains: “Whenever ADS would come on, I would get up and go to the bathroom, or get a beer or something, but when I got back, ADS were always still there.” This lack of success caused Robbins to change his tack in 2005, attempting to defeat ADS with a more metaphysical or spiritual attack. “I thought that maybe whenever I saw ADS, I could just shut my eyes and just go ‘La, la, la, la, la.....’, but that didn't work,” states Robbins.

The breakthrough came last week when Mr. Robbins discovered he could greatly reduce the presence of ADS. “I found that if I taped my show ahead of time, I could use the fast forward button to get rid of ADS, or at least make them less of a problem,” Robbins said. “Maybe someday I can figure out how to eliminate ADS altogether.”

Research continues on the ADS problem, though it is hoped that by 2012, ADS will be a thing of the past.